i hope your Christmas was happy, mine sure was. different, but still as wonderful as ever. i can't wait for when i have little kiddos to celebrate Christmas with, i miss the lingering magic the holiday used to bring. but, in a way, Christmas is now something better than it's ever been to me. this year i think i felt more of what Christmas is really about than i ever have. it's such a beautiful holiday. in the darkest & coldest time of year, we celebrate the birth of Christ, the light & life of the world. not only that but at the end of the year where we can look back & reflect on how much we've grown (hopefully) over the past months, & rejuvenate with hopes of an even better year to come.
that's our snowman we used to put in the front yard every year, i'm real sad i missed out on putting up Christmas decorations this year. it's always a favorite. well it's official, i'm done with my 1st semester of my junior year of college.
woof.
i'm super relieved to have a job now, but why why why can't it start after the Christmas break? but i'll stop thinking about it & go do a 'i'm done with finals dance'.
i've realized that i'm the only person who knows myself better than the girl next to me in that photo. therefore, she knows me the best. she's the only one that i can really open up to, about anything. i think a lot of people don't really know me, & i mean really know me. in fact no one does, except her. some people see glimpses, but nobody knows the real me. i've always known this fact, but lately i've realized it even more. one of my goals from now on is to learn how to open up more to people.
the day i meet that guy that i can open up to like i do with Carrie, will be quite the day.
i keep falling in love with people i read about on the internet. it can't be stopped. people are just too cool. Carrie once upon a time stumbled upon Hailey Haugen's Vimeo page, we don't know her, but i think her videos give you an idea of how much i would love to live her life.
watch them, you'll be in love too. you might cry a little when you watch her latest videos as well, just the cutest couple i've seen.
thank you for finally coming, you're one of my favorite months.
dear food of all kinds,
you don't taste good anymore? what happened! it's tragic.
dear Christmas trees, lights, & music,
i love you so dearly, i wish i could have you around all year long.
dear record player,
sometimes you make me the happiest girl around. laying on the floor, listening to your sweet sounds is so much fun. especially when you have the Andrews Sisters Christmas vinyl spinning round & round.
dear snow,
come! please, i'm so ready. i want to hear the silence in the air that you bring, & sled down old main with you cushioning my bottom.
dear finals,
i should probably be more scared of you right now, but i do believe we are closely matched. bring it on.
dear body,
you're not in soccer shape anymore, i miss that real bad.
in our family there are three tables at Thanksgiving dinner.
the old people.
the teenagers.
& the little kiddos.
it's kind of a big deal when you graduate from the kiddos table to the teenagers. but truthfully, in my opinion, the kiddo table is so much more fun. when you sit at that table, olives suddenly become the most entertaining things on earth. at family stuff i usually just hang out with my little peeps, i love them:
i can't believe Halle girl is six now, six?! that's six years of solid friendship, i think. is she gonna be a knockout or what? just look at those curly locks upon her head.
turns out it's still fall elsewhere in the world, so we had an epic leaf throwing battle.
it snowed all day yesterday & boy is it pretty here. we've got a good almost four inches of glorified Logan snow. the trees are full of fluff & squinting is necessary when walking outside. so to welcome winter i watched six movies yesterday with my Mia who enjoys movies as much as I, stared out the window, wore a beanie, & busted out my holiday season-ish songs:
Winter Song-Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson Christmas Day-She & Him Maybe This Christmas-Ron Sexsmith I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm-Ella Fitzgerald Thankful-Josh Groban Winter Winds-Mumfor & Sons Blue Moon-Billie Holiday White Winter Hymnal-Fleet Foxes Corduroy-Jaymay River-Sarah McLachlan Holiday-Vampire Weekend Be Be Your Love-Rachael Yamagata Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas-Frank Sinatra Christmas Wish-She & Him Blue Christmas-She & Him
i wish i could go off on an adventure by myself, for a long time. just go, somewhere, anywhere. i want to be Liz from Eat Pray Love, & just leave. an experience like that would be life changing, you would learn so much about yourself. at college you are hardly ever alone, if you are alone it's probably because you're studying. my whole life i've always loved doing things by myself, so sometimes you just need to take an hour just to be alone. find a spot, drive there, & just be yourself. think about everything, or nothing, but just be you. Carrie once told me that in order to love someone else completely & to let someone else love you back the same way, you should be able to love yourself. i think in these last few months i've learned a lot about myself. sometimes i feel selfish, that i'm living for myself right now, but then i remember this is my time to learn & just figure out who i am. i've already learned so much it's nuts!
so how about we talk about love then.
during our first week here in Logan, Carrie & i spent an hour catching up with our good friend Kevin. he told us about his relationship with his girlfriend & what he thinks love is. i'm pretty sure i learned more about love in that hour than i have my entire life. Kevin's a pretty deep kid. he said, (paraphrasing):
"All my life i've been living in a box made of glass walls. I can see everyone moving around outside but they can't see me. Then I turn and a girl is standing there, looking straight at me. She can see me."
Carrie & i always talk about Kevin's analogy, it's just so perfect.
i have a lot of ideas about love, but someday i hope i can sum it up in my own words.
i love how these people describe love:
"You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and...What I'm trying to say, Tristan is...I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."
-Yvaine on Stardust
"What don't I understand, Cara? Please, help me out. What is it? Is it frustrating that you can't be with this person? That there's something keeping you apart? That there's something about this person that you can connect with? And whenever you're near this person, you don't know what to say, and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself?
You know that feeling in your heart? When your heart is just pounding, like it's actually outside your ribs. Exposed, vulnerable, but wonderful and awful, and heartsick, and alive, all at the same time? That's love." -Dan on Dan in Real Life
i wonder who will be able to see me in my box, or even stand with me on the inside.
that will be the day.
ps. have you heard of Aggie Basketball? cause it's a pretty big deal here, we campout two nights just to get into games & stuff like that. i never thought i'd do anything like that for a sports game, but boy, was it fun. watch this, or this. we have fun...& we lose our voices & hearing but it's fine.
i've just been hanging around with people my age so much lately.
that cute kiddo, Koy, is my double cousin, figure that one out. his mom is my second cousin & his dad is my third. from different sides of the family of course. it's been nice getting to know them a little better here in Logan.
family is good.
Koy talked about flying to Texas with me for a good ten minutes yesterday, not in airplanes, with capes.
i took myself on a little campus tour today. i've realized i haven't been in a lot of the buildings here at USU, so i grabbed a newspaper to read while i walked & i went exploring. building after building. how neat is Old Main? the fall leaves complete this valley right now i think.
you can't help but smile when you watch this right? who doesn't love Brandon Flowers.
with all the hype on the news lately about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, i keep getting the urge to tell everyone i see that "i am a member of the LDS faith & i am a christian!", i just want to scream it all the time. i am human, i'm a dancer, & i am a member.
Adam got me into watching the "I'm A Mormon" videos & i think i've nearly watched them all now, i love them. i love that these people are sharing their testimonies by sharing their life in just a few short minutes. being a member of the LDS church is a way of life, we believe in living our faith & sharing it with the world. in doing this we hope to bring others closer to Christ & share the infinite happiness & love that He is.
my favorite part of the video on Brandon Flowers is when he's talking about his kids,
"...it's like a chamber in your heart that you didn't know about, it opens up when you have a baby."
i feel like that chamber has already creaked open a little for me, like my love for the kids i hope to have someday is so strong & different than any other love i've known before, have you ever felt this? imagine the love our Heavenly Father has for each of us, it's probably stronger than anything we could ever try to comprehend. this knowledge lifts me up, makes me feel like i have worth, & gives me a reason to keep fighting against opposition each day.
let's keep that fire burning, forever & ever. actually let's start a forest fire, let's light this world on fire. ready go ha.
ps. Brandon Flowers has an awesome voice, & whenever i listen to The Killers i want to sing so loud & dance like crazy. it's the best.
mallory tagged me. she's a cool cool girl if you didn't know that already, though i'm sure you did. she cracks me up pretty bad sometimes too. you know, i'm a big fan of odd numbers, but 7 just never was my favorite number. but here's 7 truths about me:
un-i've never been to Beto's, that always shocks people. duex-i hate trying to think of stuff about myself, this is really hard & i'm only on number two. trois-if you were to read my journal it would probably confuse you because i never go in order of pages, i skip around. the days are all jumbled around on different pages. quatre-when someone tells me their name i imagine spelling out each sound. example-Megan would be mehghen, or Kimberly would be kim-bur-lee. cing-i wish i could drop out of school, move to the mountains, & be a granola bum for life. six-i think i'd make a real great shuttle driver here at USU. everyone would wait in line to ride the "fun shuttle" driven by myself haha. & everytime people are loading in i'd be so friendly, "what up! welcome to the shuttle fools!" sept-i say 'fool' way too much.
if they feel like sharing, i'd like to learn 7 truths about Carrie, Mia, Megan, Jessie, Sarah, Madi, & Clay. i guess 7 isn't that bad a number.
--- watch this video please, i love it so much. communication & people interaction is such an interesting subject to me. also, if communication interests you as well, read here about the Ted & Ting concept. i recently heard about it & i personally agree on parts of it as well as disagree on other parts. but i think it's something to think about, definitely. this concept will make you think more about how you interact with others & whether or not your comments are more Ting or more Ted. i think if everyone were to really think before speaking, conversation would be more effective, this is a given, but how often to we really do this?
carrie & i feel as though we've been festering here in Pine View too much. tonight we drove up the canyon for some air & we found the loveliest place to sit for a picnic. we'll visit that spot again soon enough. life would be dull without her by my side.
carry on.
a few things:
i love men in uniform, especially Navy. you can't help but love it.
here in 28 & 29 we have a song-Pumped Up Kicks. i hear it at least four times a day. we still aren't sick of it.
remember accordian girl? turns out it's a constantina, not an accordian. i heard her playing on campus again today, sought her out, then spoke to her. i asked her about her instrument & she showed me her sheets of music. i want to learn how to play the constantina.
something i heard, liked, & wrote down today: "...a great God takes time to teach us to be like Himself." each Sunday gets better i believe. weekend:
football game & the lovliest place to be on 1st east here in Logan, (The Crepery). i didn't know i could love a group of people as much as i love all of those kids. we have the best of times.
