the last of the leaves.

in our family there are three tables at Thanksgiving dinner.
the old people.
the teenagers.
& the little kiddos.
it's kind of a big deal when you graduate from the kiddos table to the teenagers. but truthfully, in my opinion, the kiddo table is so much more fun. when you sit at that table, olives suddenly become the most entertaining things on earth. at family stuff i usually just hang out with my little peeps, 
i love them:
i can't believe Halle girl is six now, six?! that's six years of solid friendship, i think. is she gonna be a knockout or what? just look at those curly locks upon her head.
turns out it's still fall elsewhere in the world, so we had an epic leaf throwing battle.
family time is so great.



I have so many things to be thankful for, here are a few that i'm most thankful for:

my family & the fact that we are sealed together for time & all eternity.
my friends, every last one of them. especially those beautiful roommates of mine that will forever be some of my best friends.
my home.
the gospel & my testimony.
music, music will always be a big part of my life.
my future family, i love them so much already.
& this Earth, it's so beautiful.

Happy Thanksgiving all!



it snowed all day yesterday & boy is it pretty here. we've got a good almost four inches of glorified Logan snow. the trees are full of fluff & squinting is necessary when walking outside.
so to welcome winter i watched six movies yesterday with my Mia who enjoys movies as much as I, stared out the window, wore a beanie, & busted out my holiday season-ish songs:

Winter Song-Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson
Christmas Day-She & Him
Maybe This Christmas-Ron Sexsmith
I've Got My Love To Keep Me Warm-Ella Fitzgerald
Thankful-Josh Groban
Winter Winds-Mumfor & Sons
Blue Moon-Billie Holiday
White Winter Hymnal-Fleet Foxes
River-Sarah McLachlan
Holiday-Vampire Weekend
Be Be Your Love-Rachael Yamagata
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas-Frank Sinatra
Christmas Wish-She & Him
Blue Christmas-She & Him

good stuff.
bring on the holidays!


words for a wednesday.

this song is on repeat lately.

i wish i could go off on an adventure by myself, for a long time. just go, somewhere, anywhere. i want to be Liz from Eat Pray Love, & just leave. an experience like that would be life changing, you would learn so much about yourself. at college you are hardly ever alone, if you are alone it's probably because you're studying. my whole life i've always loved doing things by myself, so sometimes you just need to take an hour just to be alone. find a spot, drive there, & just be yourself. think about everything, or nothing, but just be you. Carrie once told me that in order to love someone else completely & to let someone else love you back the same way, you should be able to love yourself. i think in these last few months i've learned a lot about myself. sometimes i feel selfish, that i'm living for myself right now, but then i remember this is my time to learn & just figure out who i am. i've already learned so much it's nuts!
so how about we talk about love then.
during our first week here in Logan, Carrie & i spent an hour catching up with our good friend Kevin. he told us about his relationship with his girlfriend & what he thinks love is. i'm pretty sure i learned more about love in that hour than i have my entire life. Kevin's a pretty deep kid. he said, (paraphrasing):
"All my life i've been living in a box made of glass walls. I can see everyone moving around outside but they can't see me. Then I turn and a girl is standing there, looking straight at me. She can see me."
Carrie & i always talk about Kevin's analogy, it's just so perfect.
i have a lot of ideas about love, but someday i hope i can sum it up in my own words.
i love how these people describe love:

"You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and...What I'm trying to say, Tristan is...I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I'd know it for myself. My heart... It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."
 -Yvaine on Stardust

"What don't I understand, Cara? Please, help me out. What is it? Is it frustrating that you can't be with this person? That there's something keeping you apart? That there's something about this person that you can connect with? And whenever you're near this person, you don't know what to say, and you say everything that's in your mind and in your heart, and you know that if you could just be together, that this person would help you become the best possible version of yourself?

You know that feeling in your heart? When your heart is just pounding, like it's actually outside your ribs. Exposed, vulnerable, but wonderful and awful, and heartsick, and alive, all at the same time? That's love."             -Dan on Dan in Real Life

i wonder who will be able to see me in my box, or even stand with me on the inside. 
that will be the day.

ps. have you heard of Aggie Basketball? cause it's a pretty big deal here, we campout two nights just to get into games & stuff like that. i never thought i'd do anything like that for a sports game, but boy, was it fun. watch this, or this. we have fun...& we lose our voices & hearing but it's fine.



sometimes i forget that children exist.
also, old people.
i've just been hanging around with people my age so much lately.
that cute kiddo, Koy, is my double cousin, figure that one out. his mom is my second cousin & his dad is my third. from different sides of the family of course. it's been nice getting to know them a little better here in Logan.
family is good.
Koy talked about flying to Texas with me for a good ten minutes yesterday, not in airplanes, with capes.
he's cool.


COMD 2500.

i'm in class.
i'm bored.
i'm in the corner, by myself.
i shouldn't have brought my laptop with me to campus today, because this is what happens.